Tuesday Talk: What should I say when people ask me how married life is?

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It’s been a little more than 6 months now since Alex and I got married (Yay!)  and I’ve been asked this questions so many times: “So, how’s married life?!!” People are so excited for us, and I am too! However, every single time someone asks me this question I feel slightly awkward.

I tell the truth: married life is great!

And our pre-marriage life was great too…but no one ever asked me, “So, how is it dating your best friend?!! Do you just love it?!”

So, when I tell people that married life is great, I usually follow it by saying something about how we’ve been together for 8 years so it doesn’t feel like that much has changed since we got married.

Sometimes I’ll meekly add, “We bought car insurance together…”

Or, “We have a joint bank account now…”

These responses are guaranteed mood-killers. Insurance and bank accounts just really aren’t romantic. Plus, many people seem to refuse to believe that really nothing much has changed in our relationship since signing our marriage license.

“But,” they’ll say, “Don’t you feel like he’s really got your back now? Like, for life?”

“Yeah,”I say, “But I felt that way before.” Then, to appease them and feel less awkward, I’ll say, “I mean…Yeah..I guess it’s a little different.”

Sometimes I answer the question with something like, “It’s great. It’s fun that we can ‘officially’ start planning our next steps together now!”

If anything, I feel like this is probably the biggest change. Being married allows us a bit more freedom in what we want to do next with things like applying for the Peace Corps.

Still though, I just don’t feel like this really gets at what people are asking.

“Well, they say the first year is the hardest….” people will say.

And I’m thinking, ‘Do they want me to tell them we’re struggling? Shit…what am I supposed to say here!?’

I’ll chuckle. “Well, the livin’ is pretty easy for us right now,” I’ll say. “I can imagine it being a little harder when we have kids and a house and more bills and stuff.”

With every response, I find myself wishing that I had something more to say to people when they ask me how married life is. I don’t want to give them the impression that I’m a bored wife or that things aren’t going well or that I am just plain disinterested in them and the fact that they are speaking to me. I wish I could express to them that the last 8 years in total have been amazing with Alex, that we have more fun together than we do with anyone else, that we are (and have been) excited about where we are and where we’re headed next, that I am often amazed at how well we mesh and how well we understand each other, that I deeply appreciate him and our ability to laugh at life together.

But, to me, this isn’t just marriage. This is the story of growing up with my husband. So, is this what people want to hear when they ask how “married life” is? It confuses me. It feels almost like a lie to credit all of this to being married and to categorize it under “married life.” It’s just our life.

 

 

 

 

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2 responses »

  1. We just celebrated 5 years of marriage but I remember when people used to ask how married life was and I would say it’s great…just like it was before getting married. I met him when I was 18 and never let him out of my sight after that. Sometimes I’m scared that we got together too young but I can’t imagine life without him. We have been together for 12 years now. We have both grown and changed but as long as you allow each other to grow while respecting and supporting each other, it will work.

    • Thanks for the comment! Glad to hear all the different perspectives on this 🙂 I totally agree with you about giving each other room to grow!

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